


On Becoming a Sensei (AKA - How to Ruin a Life)

by Nelarun



Category: Naruto
Genre: BAMF Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto), Canon-Typical Violence, Crack Treated Seriously, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 Have a Different Sensei (Naruto), Gen, He hates this, everyone is dramatic, yamato-sensei
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:53:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28080477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelarun/pseuds/Nelarun
Summary: When Yamato was handed his next assignment he wondered what he had done to make the Hokage wish for his untimely demise. He blinked, gazing at the orders again, trying desperately to make sense of them, but they remained the same. He was being given charge of a team of baby genin. Issue was, he was being given Senpai's team of baby genin...When Kakashi is unavoidably detained on a mission, someone has to train team 7...
Comments: 28
Kudos: 155





	1. Group Therapy (the beginning of ones end)

“Ah Tenzo, there you are.” It was horrible really, the power those five innocent words had to completely ruin his life. If ANBU Cat, code-named 'Tenzo', knew what he was about to be dragged into, he would have turned and run the other way, hidden himself in the depths of an ANBU training ground, and not resurfaced until the crisis was over. Of course ANBU Cat couldn't tell the future and so he didn't know about the ruination of his life that was about to happen, so he answered the Hokage's summons to attend, and promptly realised that he had been trapped. “I have an assignment for you.”

It wasn't unusual for the Hokage to hand deliver assignments to ANBU operatives, but this felt wrong. He swallowed tightly, sensing the ANBU guards in the room seem oddly relieved that they weren't in his position, and wondered if he couldn't escape out the window and through the village to Training Ground 44. It was horrifying this time of year, but he had a feeling that it would be preferable to whatever his new assignment was about to be. A knock sounded and one of the Hokage's administration assistants, a civilian girl who was terrifyingly competent at her job, hired because while civilians were almost the bottom rung in the village hierarchy, civilian administrators came under the direct protection of the Hokage and the Jounin Commander and had the distinct advantage of being able to scold shinobi without rank getting in the way. His gaze immediately flicked down to the scroll in her hand, the distinct blue distaff quite clear, and he felt the urge to run come over him again.

Konoha had a very simple coding system for scrolls:

Black: Death, a scroll carried by team leads to seal dead subordinates in to get them home.

Light Green: Border Patrol, village or country.

Dark Green: Internal Patrol, village or cities.

Light Orange: Courier, including simple missives, the running of messages during war time, and hand delivering sensitive information.

Dark Orange: Garrison, a scroll whose orders garrisoned shinobi at certain stations across the country for a minimum of five years.

Distaff Orange: Hishin, to be garrisoned in the capital city, usually to be embedded with the city Guard.

Red: Assassination

Distaff Red: Investigation and intelligence, including espionage, intelligence recovery or planting, and the spread of disinformation.

Light Blue: Escort.

Dark Blue: Guard.

Distaff Blue: Teacher, either at the Academy or as a Jounin sensei.

ANBU Cat would accept any mission from the Hokage, whether he had to wear the ANBU white or the uniform of the regulars. He frequently took on A and the occasional S ranked missions for the Hokage in the navy and olive uniform, but to receive a teaching assignment? He took the offered scroll and Ayaka quickly sidestepped him, moving out of his immediate range which really was not a good sign.

Ayaka had worked for the Hokage long enough to have an excellent understanding of how she could expect shinobi to react to certain missions. It was an odd feeling - the two ANBU on Hokage guard duty were quite clearly holding their breath, their chakra flickering slightly in anxiety, Ayaka looked entirely dismayed and alarmed and like she would rather be anywhere else, and the Hokage was quite calm as he packed his pipe and lit the weed with a spark of chakra as he hummed a ditty a travelling entertainer (currently keeping Ibiki and the other grey-coats in T&I entertained) had sung the other night. ANBU Cat did not feel relieved by the Hokage's calmness. He glanced at Ayaka who was twisting the hem of her shirt, her pulse had quickened and she was looking like she really _really_ wanted to be anywhere else. He sighed, he had never believed in putting off bad news so he tore the scroll open and stared at the characters. He blinked once, reread the passage, blinked twice and then the room went cold.

Ayaka had stopped breathing, the Hokage had stopped humming, though he looked far too innocent for his own good, and he was pretty sure at least one of the ANBU guards had fainted from the tension.

“Hokage-sama,” he said softly, rolling the scroll up carefully, keeping his focus on the scroll. “Have I displeased you in some way?”

“Not at all, Tenzo-kun.”

“Have I committed a crime, warranting the death sentence?”

“I think you're being a tad dramatic,” the Hokage pointed out mildly, a flash of amusement crossing his face.

“Dramatic! Hokage-sama!”

“Their original sensei has had an unfortunate delay in his mission and won't be back for some time. I find that my hands in this matter are tied. Good luck. Ayaka?” The girl flashed the Hokage a vaguely betrayed look but swallowed and showed more courage than half the shinobi in Konoha as she approached the clearly deranged shinobi in front of her.

“This way please, Tenzo-san.” He woodenly followed the civilian out of the office, not taking in anything until she had him sat down and with a cup of tea in hand. “It's not that bad, surely?”

He looked at her and she paled and took a step back. “This is death.”

She swallowed tightly, unsure of how to comfort the clearly distressed man and he sensed her relief when Genma appeared, promising to take him off her hands. “Come on, Tenzo. Let's get a drink.”

  
  


It was tradition for the potential jounin sensei to gather at Group Therapy, one of Konoha's most popular bars if only because the owner was a former shinobi, and he offered special discounts to jounin sensei the night before they picked up their teams. The potential jounin sensei would come together to commiserate with each other, to work out graduation exams and to examine and reexamine their baby genin. Of course being selected to be a jounin sensei was one of the highest honours a jounin could receive, but it would also mean months, if not years, at reduced pay and bound to the village while you tried to mould tiny humans into creatures who wouldn't trip over their feet and die the moment they stepped outside of the village. It wasn't unheard of for a jounin sensei to fail the students because they suddenly couldn't deal with the pressure that was being put before them. In those cases, the Hokage would normally look disappointed at them and their names would be struck from the teaching register before they were sent back out to the field. So coming together was normal.

What wasn't normal was to see a group of ANBU, all in uniform except for their masks which were sealed to be unrecognisable when not on ones face. ANBU didn't normally linger at Group Therapy, they had a preferred watering hole and didn't tend to wander too far. At first they believed the group to be consoling their friend who looked truly miserable and was the only one in a flack jacket instead of the grey armour. It could have been a mission gone wrong, or maybe he was forced back to the regulars, but then he slammed his glass on their table. “If I pass them, senpai will kill me!”

“But if you don't, senpai will kill you anyway,” the ANBU they recognised as Yuugao patted his shoulder and the others laughed as he slumped over, the epitome of misery.

“Didn't senpai like you best of all his kouhai.”

“Just means he'll kill me creatively. What did I do to anger Hokage-sama?” he wailed and buried his head in his arms again, fingers gripping onto his hair as his comrades exchanged grins over his head.

“Cheer up, Ten,” Genma said suddenly. “You have three baby genin to torment, just like Kakashi tormented you.”

Unsurprisingly, this did not make Tenzo feel any better.

  
  


Iruka looked over the class of excited children who were trying desperately to sit still, but most were wriggling in excitement (except for a few who were death glaring Naruto, who happened to be anxiously avoiding eye-contact with Sasuke who looked even grumpier than usual. Years of teaching experience suggested that he should ignore that and move on). The recent graduates were always so happy and excited, and it made them realise that the last six years were worth every bit of pain and torment they had had to put up with.

He smiled as he considered the best way to begin the usual lecture about how they were shinobi of Konoha now and what that would mean exactly. He sighed faintly, of the class of thirty, at the most fifteen would go onto team based apprenticeships. The others would go either to specialist fields such as cryptanalysis, medical, or the spying ring, some would choose to return to the Academy to try again in six months, and others would disappear either to civilian life or to be claimed by ANBU for training in either the combat, torture and interrogation, or seduction and infiltration teams.

ANBU had already given him a heads up that at least three of his students were going to be purposefully failed so they could recruit them and he tried not to look at Ami. She was pretty in an unassuming way and he knew that there were a few brothels across the land that Konoha needed spies in, and with her purple hair and the uncommon shade of brown eyes, she would be extremely popular. Still, she could always say no and retire to civilian life and the Temple school. And there were worse ways to serve the village, he supposed.

He had just opened his mouth to begin the lecture when the door opened and a ghoul came into the room. Or at least he thought it was a ghoul? The man looked terrible in his brand new flak jacket, a custom made protector, slumped shoulders with grey skin and bags under his eyes as he shuffled along. (Iruka would later swear to anyone who asked, that he heard a death rattle when the man breathed). “Team seven,” he said in a raspy, depressed sounding voice and Iruka blinked in disbelief. This was one of the jounin the Hokage thought would be a good sensei? By the state of his flak jacket, he hadn't been in the regulars for that long, perhaps this was his ANBU plant? That would make sense. ANBU didn't socialise all that much... Still before he called for Ami, Hibachi and Unagi he double checked and froze, glancing at the man.

“Ah, Yamato-san, I haven't read out the assignments yet-” he stopped when Yamato looked at him, a shiver ran up his spine and he was pretty sure he could see spirits floating around the man. “But that's fine. Team seven is Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke. This is your jounin sensei-”

“That depressed old man?” Naruto shouted over the swell of outrage at the makeup of the team and the pathetic whimpering of the man. Iruka thought he heard something about how senpai was truly going to kill him, and that the Hokage was cruel, but before he could react the man had slumped over to the windows.

“Sensei, how high is the building?” he asked, opening the window and looking out. “Better I kill myself than let senpai get his hands on me.”

“Iruka-sensei!” Sakura looked horrified at the man who had one foot on the ledge and was muttering about farewelling such a cruel world before he gave the ground a considering look. “ _He's_ our sensei?”

“Trees. Why do there have to be trees? They'll break my fall,” he slumped over the windowsill in defeat, half hanging out the window, arms swaying in the breeze.

And the jounin thought the academy students were dramatic. Honestly.

“I think I'll apply to the Hokage for a different sensei for you,” he assured Sakura, wondering what was wrong with the man.

Yamato perked up at that and looked at him in wonder, as though the sun were rising at his command. “Would you? You'll take pity on me and ask Hokage-sama to spare my life?”

Iruka sighed as he figured out what was wrong with the man. Apparently he wasn't clinically depressed, merely didn't want to train a team. He pinched the bridge of his nose to keep a brewing headache at bay. “No. I'm not going to tell the Hokage that you don't want to take on a team.”

“Or...” he looked around, desperately analysing the children in the room (who were half looking at him in horror, and half in amusement). “Well how about I take another team!”

“Is this because of me?” Naruto suddenly asked and Iruka glanced at the man from the corner of his eye. Depending on his answer, Iruka would have to get everyone to help him destroy a body and then get them to lie to whomever was sent to investigate the missing jounin, he'd call it training in situational lying in the defence of a colleague.

“Yes!” Yamato nodded glad that _someone_ understood, completely missing the sudden and very pointed flare of killing intent that was suddenly aimed at him. To be fair, Iruka didn't have many chances to work on his killing intent and Yamato had recently faced off against a missing-nin who had been hired to stop the assassination of a daimyou's family. Against that kind of killing intent, an academy sensei didn't really stand a chance. “Senpai will _kill_ whomever takes over your training and I would rather not be him! No offence kid.”

And kunai away, that was _not_ the answer Iruka was expecting.

“Well then...” Naruto adopted a thinking pose, Sakura and Sasuke shied away from Naruto and Iruka wondered if it was too early to start drinking. Alcohol may not solve the problem, but it could make him forget about it. “What if I said that I'd only learn under you?” Yamato blinked and slumped as Naruto continued talking about how it was the _perfect_ _plan_. Yamato started walking out of the room and Iruka motioned for the three to follow him. It was that or slam the door after the depressed man and hold the students hostage until a more appropriate sensei could be found, and there was too much paperwork involved with the second scenario.

As the door closed, he wished them luck. He also resolved to coax some answers out of Ayaka with dumplings. She may only be a civilian, but she knew everything. And with his evening planned, Iruka called the class to order and began his lecture.

  
  


He wasn't sure when the twitch developed. Somewhere between walking into the classroom and getting them out to the training ground. They were bickering and fawning and he was pretty sure he was going to kill them in the middle of the village. Surely they would let him off with a warning - entirely justified homicide. How did these three graduate? How did two of them even get top of the class. If the girl ate more than an apple a day he would eat his protector, and the boy didn't even know the meaning of team work. And the blond! Apparently he thought the difference between talking and shouting was in the number of body parts that were flailing about. It was never ending.

Yamato set them down and stared at them, cold sweat breaking out and he took a deep breath. "Good morning."

...

No response. Oh come on, even the sprouts in ANBU knew better than to keep silent when a superior was leaving room for them to respond.

"Good morning," he tried again and the three exchanged wary looks.

"Morning, sensei," the girl finally chirped.

Chirped.

What self-respecting shinobi chirped? Outside of a mission that was... The three must have seen something on his face because they cringed back as one and he barely contained his glee.

Apparently he could control them. New plan. He would train them up for Senpai, get the worst of their traits dealt with before Senpai could swoop in and refine them. Senpai would be thrilled that he didn't have to deal with such brats.

  
  


Ayaka saw Iruka approaching as she left the office and almost wished she could turn and walk back inside, but she had pulled almost three weeks of 19 hours shifts and the Jounin-Commander wanted her to go home. “Dinner.” Iruka said. It wasn't a question, she sighed and resigned herself to a night of interrogation about the placements. She trudged after him. There was a little joint that did ridiculously good dumplings, and Ayaka hadn't had time to make any of her own, so she was okay with his choice. She picked a table as he went to get them food, returning with tea and a promise of food. “So,” he said as he handed her a cup of tea. “Yamato-san seems nice.”

Ayaka gave him a sharp look. “You know I can't discuss this.”

Iruka shook his head. “I know, I know, but they're my kids you know?" he said and refilled her cup. She sighed and picked up the cup again, stifling a yawn.

“Yamato-san is an admirable shinobi. Hokage-sama and the Jounin-Commander both trust him implicitly. He does not dislike the child because of what he holds. He will not show favouratism or pander to the civilian on the team. He is an experienced trainer. That's all I'm saying.” She ignored the server who set down some steamers with dumplings and stared Iruka down. He looked away first. She refilled his cup and took a dumpling, smiling when a plate of tea smoked duck was set down. “Thank you, Iruka.”

Iruka sighed, he forgot that Ayaka was too much of a professional to spill secrets like that. Ah well. He had to try. He leaned forward. "So which teams do you expect to pass or fail?" And then her eyes lit up and they gossiped the night away.


	2. Exceeds Most Expectations (sarcastic 'yay')

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sensei?”  
> “Yes Naruto?”  
> “Why do you look gleeful?”  
> “Because if one of you falls and breaks your neck I'll be removed from the team due to negligence!”  
> The three exchanged a dubious look. “Sensei! That's a really terrible idea!”  
> “Yeah sensei! We could be seriously hurt!”  
> “That's the idea Sakura!”

_Dear senpai,_

_I would like to take this moment to remind you of how much I respect and admire you._

Yamato scowled. Senpai would definitely read this as a confession. He could imagine Kakashi-senpai screwing it up after only reading the first line and aggressively avoiding him for a long time. Which _could_ solve a lot of problems, but there was also a very small chance that Kakashi-senpai would also hunt him down and give him a lecture about falling in love with ones superior officer, and how that was terrible for chain of command. He'd done it before. Not to Yamato, of course, but it had been highly amusing for all except the poor chuunin who had confessed.

Okay. New letter.

_Senpai,_

_It is me, Yamato._

What was he? A villain from one of those Princess Yukie films his genin wouldn't shut up about? He threw it away and pulled a fresh sheet of paper down.

_Senpai,_

_I have your genin._

Well that sounded threatening. He hadn't taken them hostage! 

Yamato dropped his head against the wall and sighed. He could write up mission reports without a concern. He could even forge documents, including a play that was being defamatory to the Daimyou, but he couldn't write a simple note to his senpai explaining that he really didn't _want_ to train the brats, but also, neither would have Kakashi-senpai. They were rude and argumentative and didn't play well with other teams. They kept discussing princess rescues, instead of border patrol. They all had a lot of bad habits that he was fixing for senpai, and that was a good thing. They'll almost be useful by the time senpai got them.

But could he do that? No. It turned into sentimental drivel or a threat.

“Yamato-san?” Ah, and now the admin-nin had found him. “Would you like me to turn a light on? It's not that your demon fires aren't welcoming...” He knew his flames were burning blue and casting everything in sickly shadows. Ayaka was being nice. She shouldn't be. She should be scathing. _Your actions have caused the destruction of an entire graduation class! You're unfit to be a jounin, let alone a sensei! You've been demoted!_ The echoes of her villainous laughter faded in the crevasses of her mind. “But they're going to burn the records room down if you keep them going...”

“Fire is cleansing,” he intoned as he scratched out another note.

_Senpai – Team seven were assigned to me, Tenzo._

Oh no. His code name had changed. How frustrating.

“Yamato-san,” Ayaka sighed. “Please don't burn down the records room. I'm rather fond of it.”

He blinked and looked up at her, as though he was just registering her presence. “Ah yes. Ayaka-san, could you perhaps read over this letter?”

She turned the lights on and approached him, reading over his shoulder.

“ _I, the ANBU operative code-named 'YAMATO', a legal adult and jounin of Konoha, being of competent and sound mind, do hearby declare this to be my last will and testament (hereafter, 'last will and testament') and do hereby revoke any and all wills and scrolls heretofore made jointly or severally by me...”_

Yamato flushed bright red as she read it out loud and wailed. “It was supposed to be a letter.”

Ayaka shuffled the folders in her arms and sat beside the distraught man. “Okay,” she sighed and patted his shoulder. “Yamato-san, are you alright?”

He twitched suddenly and violently. “Alright? _Alright_? Of course I'm not alright.” He wasn't sure what he was ranting about, he was just ranting. He must have been ranting for a while, though, because he turned around to see Ayaka putting some files away, making soft noises of consolation. “Ayaka-san, are you even listening to me?”

“I always listen to shinobi, Yamato-san,” Ayaka said cheerfully and entirely insincerely. She was a civilian, she wasn't exactly good at lying. “No fires in my records room,” she scolded firmly and left him all alone.

Yamato sighed and looked at the note before he scrunched it up and threw it over his shoulder.

_Senpai. It's not my fault._

Sasuke growled as he ran through the signs and produced nothing. He felt incompetent, like he hadn't felt for ages. He glanced over at Yamato-sensei to find the man staring back at him and ducked his chin suddenly, forcing himself to quickly run through the seals again. He was a katon user, his entire clan was, so why was sensei asking him to learn this basic suiton-jutsu? Why was he even on elemental jutsu? At first Sasuke had thought it was just sensei recognising his skills, but now he was pretty sure sensei just hated him. Sasuke blinked at the thought. Sensei hated him? He hadn't been hated before.

No, hate was what Sasuke felt for Itachi. Hate was a beast that sunk its claws into you and never let go, that swelled in your throat and made breathing impossible, that ripped into your belly and make eating hard. Hate focused the mind on a single goal, it was his friend and he knew that what sensei felt for him was not hatred. Apathy perhaps? Sensei didn't believe in him? Didn't care for him? ( _another failed attempt_ ). But if that were the case, he wouldn't have set Sasuke to learning this jutsu.

He grit his teeth and focused really hard, turning the swirling fire of his chakra settled in the dantien at his naval and forcing it to the smaller pool of water that was the chakra settled just below his naval, coaxing it, willing it to come to the surface. He sensed it well at his command and then the fire overwhelmed it and he failed once more. Sasuke glanced over at sensei to see him directing Sakura in basic conditioning. He weirdly felt relief that sensei hadn't had to see him fail again, and swore the he would get the jutsu mastered soon enough.

Naruto groaned as he flopped back, Sensei was _evil_. There was no other word for it, every time he even breathed too loudly, sensei would be there telling him to be silent. He couldn't _help_ being loud and restless and wanting to do things, but he didn't want to be doing this! This activity was the epitome of silence and stillness and it was driving Naruto crazy. The civilian instructor approached, the woman wore an elegant kimono that Naruto couldn't help but admire (it was red at the bottom that bled into orange and then yellow, delicate embroidery detailing pink and white blossoms being carried on the wind). “Uzumaki-san, are you having difficulties?” Her tone was unfailingly polite and not for the first time, Naruto wondered if she was actually a civilian, or a shinobi in disguise. She never showed emotion except for placid acceptance, could walk quieter than a cat, and was a pretty exacting task master.

He grumbled under his breath but got back into seiza and started copying the kanji once more. “Hold your sleeve, Uzumaki-san. You do not want the ink to stain your clothes!” The warning came too late and he stared at the black stain on the sleeve. She sighed, the first sign of emotion she had actually shown and she placed a gentle touch on his shoulder. “Enough, wash your brush and come with me, we'll try and remove the stain before it sets.”

“Uh... thanks nee-san.”

He followed her to the next room and she tied her sleeves back, donning an apron quickly before she asked for his jacket and he watched as she blotted the stain before she poured a cheap alcohol on it (the smell of it burned his nose). Finally she added soap and scrubbed. “I assume you have a washing machine at home?”

“Yes! I even wash my clothes and everything!” There was a hint of amusement at his defiant declaration.

“I'm glad,” she handed him the coat. “When you get home, put it straight into the wash, don't rinse it. The stain should come out. Tea?”

Naruto hesitated. “I think I'm supposed to report back to sensei when I'm done here.”

The lady smiled and set a tea cup before him, preparing tea leaves and a pot. “Uzumaki-san, do you know why you've been sent to me?”

“Because sensei is evil!” He froze, he hadn't meant to say that, a slightly hysterical laugh escaped his lips before he closed his mouth, swallowing tightly.

“Yamato-sensei is... rather particular with his training,” the lady allowed. “Do you know the history of your Clan?”

Naruto blinked. “Clan?”

“The Uzumaki clan,” a swirl of ink on paper from a brush that appeared suddenly in her hand and he was blinking down at the swirl that was incorporated into the shinobi vest. “My family have been civilians since the founding, but we were asked to join Konoha because we are historians. We record events and history, and that is passed down through my family.” Naruto listened as she told him about a village hidden by whirlpools, established long before Konoha was a thing, Uzushio-mura was a small village of fishermen and women who hunted the schools of fish that became trapped between the whirlpools. But they weren't just fishermen – they were artisans of the highest order. Men and women who turned the spiritual into the physical through their art and their sacred language. It would become known as fuinjutsu. She explained that the high voltage, slow release tags affixed to every building in Konoha providing energy to the village, and the more popular storage seals, were examples of fuinjutsu, but that in Uzushio-mura, they went further. Basic structures made of the weakest material would become sturdier than stone. Cabinets would keep food cool, runes on tables would cook food without the need for fire. During the hottest summers, houses were kept cool. During the coldest winters, houses were kept warm, and the blade of the winter winds and the teeth of the summer and autumn storms did not touch them. “Yamato-sensei would like to start you on fuinjutsu, but first you must learn calligraphy, and all that is associated with it.” Naruto wrinkled his nose at that. He _hated_ meditation and taking his time. “When your characters have meaning and aren't mere splotches of ink, you will be able to begin your training.”

Sakura grit her teeth as she forced herself to do another pushup. Sensei was forcing her to build muscle and chakra and she was always hungry and she wanted food, but also she was scared that she would start to lose the chance at a feminine shape. Not that sensei cared. He was actually quite dismissive of her skills, her abilities. She was the top kunoichi for a reason! And then she froze mid-pushup. What if she weren't? After all, Ino was always going to be put on the Ino-Shika-Cho team, and Hinata always outscored her in the physicals and combat training. And as a Hyuuga, she was a perfect fit for a tracing and hunting team. Ami was only average with studies, but she always outperformed Sakura in the physicals, mostly because Sakura did exactly what was required of her. They required three pushups, so she did three pushups. They asked for ten situps? Sakura counted out ten exactly. Was she put on this team because she was top Kunoichi? Or was she put here because the others who outperformed her were needed on better fitting teams? Her arms were shaking when sensei's droll "Anytime you want to finish that pushup..." Everything hurt, but she forced herself to finish it. “Good, now run twenty laps of the training ground. Follow the fence line.” She pushed herself to her feet and took off at a shambling run. “And it had better be faster than this morning's run.”

Yeah. She hated sensei.

As Sakura ran Yamato smiled. She was stubborn and thought that she could be brilliant if she just applied herself. It was a note that had been fixed to her file by the sensei. She could be an excellent combat shinobi if she put her mind to it, the best of all the group. She would have to be after what he had learned from the Cryptanalysts. Yurika had told him that she had tried to get Sakura to specialise, but the girl had rejected the offer from the cryptanalysts, determined to follow her beloved sasuke-kun through the combat stream. It was pathetic, really, and the Academy should have stepped up and forced her into the specialist stream. But instead, here she was, barely able to do ten pushups and twenty situps, and then go for a run without wanting a rest. 

He was an excellent sensei, though, in his modest opinion, and he would help his little student achieve her greatest desire. No, not becoming Uchiha Sakura. That was a fantasy that not even Clan heads with greater standing and power could make happen for their darling daughters. And Sakura being a civilian-born shinobi stood no chance of that. Instead, he would turn her into a combat shinobi worth being written about. Movies would be written about her, fans would scream for her autograph, plays would be sold out! One fan would even ask him to break his neck so he could die happy. It happened! Some of the things one fan asked of senpai has provided much amusement for the rest of the team. Senpai had been less so. 

But when she was up there, in the limelight, waving at her adoring fans, someone would ask her who inspired her to achieve these things, and she would say 'Yamato-sensei!' And then he sighed, watching as she got distracted by Sasuke. No, she would say - hearts in her eyes - that it was all her beloved 'sasuke-kun' and go chasing him into a sunset.

(Later that week, Yamato would realise that he had been fantasising over a student - not like _that_ \- and drink to excess to try and blot that memory out. It didn't work).

The weeks passed and Yamato watched as Naruto applied himself diligently to calligraphy. “He's not even wriggling?”

The woman smiled. “I simply told him about the Uzumaki and why calligraphy was important in learning their craft. He became a much more willing student then.”

He watched as the boy finished a symbol and then the sensei moved forward to begin instructing her students on the art of fuinjutsu. In exchange for use of the facilities to teach calligraphy, the students were expected to provide storage seals and explosive tags to the village. It was a service and one that meant only experts were providing the seals to the supply stores. The seals were wrapped and placed into boxes stamped with the sealer's personal chop, if any of the seals failed, the sealer would be watched and if necessary, disappeared. Naruto was fixated on the lecture and then he took a deep breath, created some ink and then went to work on the seal he was crafting. Between one breath and the next, the sensei was gone was gone.

A month wasn't enough time to really get Sakura up to a decent condition, but she now had a passion and a fire to be the best. He smiled faintly. She was finally going in the right direction to be a decent shinobi. Right now he could envision her becoming a high ranking chuunin, maybe if she decided to specialise she would even make a decent toku-jou. (He felt slightly ill at the memory of the hangover when he considered her going any higher in rank). 

And Sasuke... well Sasuke was a bit of a disappointment, if he had to be honest. The suiton he had set him was a basic E-ranked suiton, designed to teach baby genin about elemental jutsu. It had no real purpose beyond being a cool party trick for tiny children. And yet Sasuke couldn't get over his mindset of 'I am Uchiha, watch me breathe fire!' He didn't actually think the kid was even a fire elemental. He could remember Shisui's concern that Sasuke was taking a long time, and a lot of difficulties to master the katon-jutsu the Uchiha kids all learned. But nooooo, the kid was determined to fail, and he was succeeding in that.

Yamato glanced over at the three as they returned to their clearing and threw them ration packs. Probably not the healthiest of habits to get them into, but if this was the worst habit they picked up throughout their career, then that would be a miracle. “Breakfast and then we'll get started.” As they walked off together, Yamato felt something a little bit like pride bloom in his chest. The kids were starting to come together and were doing really well. He almost thought that he would tell Senpai where to shove it when he inevitably came back to claim them from him. And then they started arguing and he decided that if Senpai really wanted them he could _have_ them. Really, Yamato wouldn't even argue. Hell he'd throw them at him wrapped neatly in ninja wire and tied with a bow. “Sakura!” It was her turn to suffer. She was the cause of most of their arguments. He concentrated his scariest face and the girl went pale, trembling, the boys focused on their rations and he decided that he would have to work on that. They should have at least _tried_ to assist her. “I was going to give you missions, but instead we're going to do chakra control exercises.”

“Sensei?” 

“Yes Naruto?” 

“Why do you look gleeful?”

“Because if one of you falls and breaks your neck I'll be removed from the team due to negligence!”

The three exchanged a dubious look. “Sensei! That's a really terrible idea!”

“Yeah sensei! We could be seriously hurt!”

“That's the idea Sakura!” Yamato continued walking till he was up the tree. “Now any questions? No? Good. Hop to it.”

He sat down, chuckling evilly (internally of course!) and waited. Sakura was the first to approach the tree and he watched, gobsmacked, as she walked up and kept walking and kept walking! That's... That's not fair! He looked around and groaned. No water in sight either. Fine. He created a 25 metre wooden pool and filled it with water and called Sakura over. “Now walk on water.” He sat back after shouting at the boys to keep working!

A few moments later, Sakura took a few hesitant steps and crashed through to the water below. She got up and glared at him. Yamato stared straight back and a few moments later she was getting back up and trying again.

It took days, they were a mass of scratches and bruises but the three of them could finally move up and down any tree at will, at any speed requested by their sensei, without a handseal to focus their chakra. Yamato pouted but then perked up and the three shied away from the man before he handed them scrolls. “These are your assignments. They're very important. They're also different. Don't touch the ground while you're on duty, _no matter what_.” They declared that that would be easy, until he pointed out that they were currently on duty and they blanched as they realised that they would have to get to the village proper without touching the ground. There was a lot of empty ground between the trees and the village. Yamato smiled and walked towards the village. This was a simple task. It would mean getting creative from time-to-time (or right now if their cursing was anything to go by), but he had faith that they could do it... or run into signs that appear out of nowhere, or have a loose tile send them careening to the ground, or crash into an ANBU patrol and have to deal with them. Ah the possibilities were endless and almost all of them would allow him to disappear from being their sensei before senpai returned. He laughed to himself and caused more than a few parents to hide their children as he wandered through the village.

Naruto was not having fun. Wall walking was _hard_ , and were there always this many signs dangling from places? It was bad enough trying to work out how to cross into the village (but they had figured it out), still, wall walking was hard. At least trees had a chakra network that adjusted to shinobi chakra, walls were unforgiving and stubborn. He sighed and cringed when a lady shouted at him for leaving footprints on her wall. He called out an apology and promised to come and clean it as soon as his mission was over and looked at his part of the mission again, making sure he had it right.

Sakura grinned and hurried off, this assignment was fun. Sensei usually gave them tasks or put expectations on them that had the three staggering home, only making it because they were supporting each other, but this was fun. This was _easy_. It made for a nice change and one that she was definitely appreciative of. She only had one more delivery left and then she would find a way out to the river to wait for Sasuke and Naruto.

Sasuke could feel his legs trembling as he finished his delivery and headed for the river. He was tired, this was a surprisingly draining exercise, and his knee was throbbing from where a tile broke and he hit the roof hard. Still he kept moving, knowing that it was going to be more painful if he let it cool down. He walked across the roofs, bouncing to the top of a wooden fence and balancing carefully as he wandered down towards the river. Sakura was already there, floating on the river, feet against a rock to keep her in place. He gathered his chakra and leaped from the fence post to the river and plunged through, the cold water was shockingly refreshing. He surfaced and swam over to Sakura who glared at him for splashing her. “I was walking, but then I got too tired,” she explained and he nodded slightly, joining her in floating. The sun was warm, the water cool, and then Naruto approached, peering down at them from the boulder he was crouching on. “Hey guys, what are you doing?”

“You're blocking the sun,” Sakura complained and Naruto sighed and shifted as his control slipped slightly, catching himself. Sasuke brushed some rock fragments and lichen off his shirt and went back to lying in the water. “We're tired and sore, and we're not touching the ground. So we're floating.”

Naruto tilted his head in confusion and sat down, elbow on knee, fist supporting his chin. “Okay, _how_ are you doing that?”

Sasuke and Sakura sat up, staring at him. “You've never gone swimming before?”

“Not really. I used to play around the village or in the forest, and ponds weren't usually that deep.” He shrugged. “So how do you float?”

Yamato approached and stood in the shadows as Sakura and Sasuke taught Naruto how to swim. “Keep your hips up!” he heard Sasuke scold.

“How did you pass the survival test at the academy! There was a swimming section on the test!”

“Mizuki just passed me! Said that when I was a ninja, I wouldn't need to swim at all!”

“Stop speaking!” Sasuke growled. “Turn your head and kick!”

Yamato smiled faintly at their banter and approached them. “Alright kids,” they had done well, they deserved an early mark. “You're free for the day.” They eyed him warily but approached the bank. Ah, the joys of a sensei - instilling a healthy dose of fear and paranoia in ones students. “Food, protein to replenish your chakra supply, and a good nights rest.” They slowly stepped onto land and gave cautious looks, ready to spring back onto the water at any moment. “Meet me tomorrow at the Administration building. No touching the ground. Ah, one of you will need to hand this over to the admin assistant.”

Three miserable 'hai's' greeted him, Naruto took the missive and Yamato cheerfully waved as he turned around and flickered away. From tomorrow, he would make sure that their lazy days on the river were at an end. Sakura could teach the boys water walking. He would expect them to have it down by the end of the week, or else they would be running laps of the treetop circuit from dawn till dusk.

As he walked through the village, he wondered what would happen if someone anonymously left a book of fuinjutsu and some chakra infused ink on Naruto's doorstep. He also wondered what would happen, if 'anonymous' was readily found out to be him... Ah yes. Freedom from senpai's wrath was imminent. He could practically taste it. 

No one blinked when three genin entered the missions room through the window, though Ayaka gave Yamato a funny look when he looked almost disappointed that they arrived. She accepted the missive they handed her and watched as they took another mission scroll from their sensei before they left through the window, arguing about the best way to get somewhere. “Yamato-san,” she said softly. “Is everything alright with your genin?” He jumped guiltily before he stammered out an assurance and hurried away. Beside her, Hiro leaned back in his seat.

“Anyone else ever known Yamato-san to stammer?”

Ayaka frowned as she considered her options before she shrugged. Sensei could do almost anything to their genin and get away with it. So wall walking was an advanced chakra exercise, clearly they were up for it if Yamato had them doing it already. She glanced at the missive in her hand and rolled her eyes as she threw it out. If she saw one more invitation to the Hokage's summons' birthday party...


	3. If you go out of your home today... (you'd better be ready to hide)

Being hunted was a feeling that all shinobi were unfortunately acquainted with. Of course, most shinobi were used to being hunted by other shinobi, or extremely persistent mothers with apprenticable children. Very few were used to being hunted by a civilian. 

Yamato was not being hunted. Or at least he wasn't aware that he had done anything worthy of calling the wrath of the admin-nin on him. He always had his reports in on time and to his usual standard, so to step outside and have Ayaka materialise out of thin air was... unsettling. 

She was a civilian. She shouldn't be able to do that! "Do not move," she warned him as she stalked toward his neighbour's door. Despite being tiny and essentially powerless, he didn't want to test her. It would be a humiliating start to the day to have her either best him or haul him out of wherever he'd holed up in. He'd watched her do it before, including to the Hokage when he had just decided to _not_ do some paperwork... 

Yamato winced when she knocked politely door before she shouted that she could hear him breathing! The door opened a crack and a report was pushed through, Ren stammering his apologies. Ayaka accepted it and tucked it in her bag before she looked at him, slightly surprised that he had listened to her. Most shinobi fled from the wrath of the admin-nin. Yamato wondered why they didn't just throw admin-nin at any enemy. If they could make even the most senior of shinobi in the village cower in their homes and avoid their paths, what could they do to an enemy? 

"Uzumaki Naruto is in the hospital. Hokage-sama has requested an audience at your earliest convenience." She pulled something out of her pocket and handed it to him. Yamato's gulp was audible. It was the primer on explosive fuinjutsu he had left Naruto.

It was funny how something like a phrase could be so... terrifying. Take 'at your earliest convenience' for example. At face value it suggested that someone should take their time, but what it really meant was 'I am seriously displeased with you. If you aren't knelt at my feet _yesterday_ then perhaps going missing-nin will be a better life choice for you.' 

So when Ayaka offered him a sympathic smile and told him that the Hokage was in his office, Yamato wondered if he had gone too far with his plan. 

Still it did no good standing around wondering, so he raced to the office and was shown through. "You wished to see me, Hokage-sama?" 

The Admin-nin were on a war path and the entire village was awaiting their displeasure. It did not make for an easy walk through the administration building, and Yamato had been stopped three times by various frazzled admin-nin who thought he was someone else. This puzzled Yamato for many reasons, only one being that he was a very recognisable person outside of his ANBU mask, no one mistook his for anyone else. He caught a glimpse of their war room - they had taken over an actual war room, a map of Konoha on the table, walls covered in pictures of their targets, some with ominous red crosses across their faces, lists of their crimes at their side. Yamato caught Genma's eye and wondered at a man who could look amused to be part of the chaos that the admin-nin were bring to bear. 

Yamato hurried past, the admin-nin were crazy at the best of times, but like this? Waging war on their own village? He shivered when he heard Ayaka snarl at someone that they just had to do their jobs! Scrambling sounded and a terrified admin-nin hurried past him and not for the first time Yamato wondered whether Ayaka was actually a civilian. Oh sure, he'd served with her parents and her siblings, and they had taught her a few tricks here and there, but according to all official and unofficial records, Ayaka had gone to the same Temple school that all of Konoha's civilians attended. And yet he didn't want to cross her. 

Speaking of. He ducked his head and started to move faster when Ayaka stepped out of the room. He prayed to any of the gods listening that she would ignore him and go after her next victim when he blinked and she appeared in front of him. Seriously! Civilians were not supposed to be able to do that! "Yamato-san, could you please deliver this to the reception desk at the hospital?" He flinched as she handed him some files, actually flinched, but nodded wordlessly and she thanked him before she hurried away. 

Genma came to his side. "Pays to be on their good side," he commented and added the files in his arms to Yamato's pile, waving lazily over his shoulder. Yamato glowered at Genma's retreating form and calmly put Genma's files behind a rubbish bin. Like hell he was going to do Genma's work for him. Yamato was actually considering buying a ticket to whatever happened when the admin-nin realised that Genma had shirked his duties. He shivered wondering why they didn't just use admin-nin in the T&I suite. They'd probably get anyone to confess to any number of crimes. 

The receptionist at the hospital looked almost relieved when he appeared. "Thought you were one of them..." she said as she accepted the files. 

Yamato smiled faintly but asked for Uzumaki's room and thanked her when she gave him directions. Naruto was babbling at a nurse, not sitting still or letting her treat his wounds. "Uzumaki-san!" she finally scolded and Naruto pouted but stopped moving. "Thank you," the nurse huffed. "Now I'm glad your seal went well, but you have to learn about the area of effect rule that all seals have." 

"That wasn't in the book." 

"Then you should read more books until you know about the basics of your speciality." 

"But reading is-" Yamato saw the exact moment Naruto saw him coming because he rapidly backtracked on his words. "Reading is great. An excellent pasttime. Thanks nee-san! I'm all good." 

"Naruto," Yamato sighed as he stepped into the room. 

"Hey Sensei! Did you hear about-"

Yamato held up the book and Naruto fell silent. "He's cleared for duty?" 

"Yes," the nurse sighed and spun on Naruto who was trying to leave again. "But if I see you in my ward for stupidity like this? I guarantee you'll regret it." 

Naruto grinned and darted off after Yamato told him to report for training. Yamato sighed and looked at her. "Thanks, Mouse," he said and she shrugged. 

"Eh, he's a good kid. Seal's still tight, he's just being a reckless genin with too much knowledge and not enough sense." Mouse lifted an eyebrow and he very pointedly ignored her interrogative look. "Any word from senpai?" 

Yamato shook his head and she frowned before they both heard one of the admin-nin walking the floor, talking cheerfully at someone and they both turned towards the window, leaping out and heading their separate ways. As they ran, Yamao wondered again why he was running from a chuunin who had been on desk duty for most of his career. It was humiliating. He was quietly happy that ANBU Mouse was also fleeing. 

Sasuke and Sakura were staring at Naruto as he gesticulated wildly, trying to emphasise how _big_ the fireball had been. "And sensei just told you to come here?" Sasuke asked, trying not to stare at the pink of new skin and the patches of missing hair as Naruto nodded. The three set off on their usual morning run, this time keeping only to the water courses - Sensei was adamant that they be able to run on water for as long as necessary _just in case_. He had also worded this saying that at some point he would drop them off in the middle of the ocean and he hoped they would drown. But only a little bit. They were almost fond of his threats now. It was almost endearing. But they also weren't entirely sure that he wasn't being serious, so they had thrown themselves at each of his challenges, determined to make sure that he couldn't kill them, even by accident. 

Yamato was waiting for them by the time they returned to the tree. "Uzumaki, you're to practice combination traps," he handed over another fuinjutsu book, but this one discussed the applications of fuinjustu with traps. 

"Traps?" Naruto blinked. Trapping wasn't exactly specialised, but he knew that most shinobi only did the very basic ones, and then the super complicated ones that only really worked once, because they required your target to move exactly as planned, and that _rarely_ happened. 

"Considering your history, trap artistry combined with your sealing habits will be very useful. Sakura!" She accepted the two books he handed her. Field medicine, and the art of illusions? "Most shinobi would kill their comrades for what you have - perfect chakra control. Admittedly it's because your chakra is limited, but you've maintained control as it's increased. So you'll be the teams genjutsu expert, and field medic. Learn those techniques by weeks end." The or else didn't need to be said. She heard it loud and clear. She nodded quickly and darted away, which left Sasuke. "And you. You are the scion of the Uchiha name, the disappointment who can't even perform an E-ranked jutsu without assistance. Clearly jutsu is not your speciality." Sasuke blinked the red from his vision as something was shoved against his chest. He blinked and looked down. A tanto? "So, Sasuke-kun. You want to kill me yet?" 

Sasuke did. He really did. He had for a while if he was being entirely honest. But a tanto? And this one had new wrappings on the hilt. "Sensei?" 

"Your brother was an excellent swordsman. Your father was as well, and don't even get me started on your mother. Mikoto-sama was a shinigami on the battlefield, That was her moniker, did you know?" He hadn't known that. Sasuke's grip tightened around the hilt. "So, I'm hoping that some of her genes got to you, otherwise I'm reassigning you to S&I." Sasuke flinched. Seduction and Infiltration? Sensei was going to turn him into a whore to filter information back to Konoha? A spy in palaces and shrines and districts? "Don't like the idea? Want to be a combat shinobi? Then try to succeed. Or else I can cut off your head now, and send you back to your family." And Sasuke saw red, and then his vision became clear as he drew the blade and with a snarl stepped forward to attack his sensei. 

Another tanto met his and then he was disarmed. "Good," sensei said. "Now breathe. I'm going to show you some sword moves while your pretty eyes are all lit up." Sasuke blinked and then raced for the river, staring at his reflection with red eyes. He missed sensei's smile as he celebrated getting his eyes, but quickly came to attention when sensei told him to pay attention. 

Shikaku blinked as he read the report, Ayaka almost fleeing the room after the handed the incident report should have been his first clue. Why was it always team seven? Oh sure, it was _great_ that Sasuke had his eyes, the Elders would be thrilled. Of course Shikaku was happy for the kid, unlocking a bloodline was always exciting, and something to be rewarded. Of course, his reward was being lectured for his inability to do basic jutsu, and forced to watch tanto moves, kata and other exciting things like 'how to clean your tanto' and 'how to oil your tanto' and 'how to remove ones teammates blood from your tanto'. Shikaku frowned at that bit, but the chuunin watching from the trees had sworn that it was an accurate quote.

Apparently Sakura had taken to the medical side of her training with aplomb. Oh sure she had struggled for the first few days, but by the fourth she had made a complete menace of herself, and traumatised at least three toddlers after she had brought a fish back at the market... and then proceeded to bludgeon it to death before she brought it back again. 

Not even thirteen and already a clear prodigy with more complicated arts. It was a wonder the hospital hadn't already applied to the Hokage to terminate her placement on the team so she could be reassigned. Though he also had a feeling that Ayaka had something to do with that. The girl was a wonder at keeping the more annoying nuisances and requests from bothering him or the Hokage. Now that he thought about it, he did remember Ayaka stomping on Hiro's foot this morning and then loudly but firmly directing a doctor to fix it. 

Unfortunately, none of this was truly bad. The worst was definitely yet to come. Naruto had decided to practice his sealing in the forest. On Nara lands to be more precise. Which would normally be fine! So long as people didn't disturb the deer, they were welcome onto Nara lands for any reason. There was, however, an expectation that wanton destruction would be avoided. Naruto clearly hadn't understood that expectation. He had done something terrible, designed a trap that had sent a howling wind crashing through the forest, destroying trees and flattening grasslands, starting at least one fire and disturbing the Nara deer. The damage was just being relayed to him now. It was... horrendous. "Ayaka!" he growled and the girl stepped inside as though she were nervous that he was about to throw something. "Get me Yamato." 

Yamato looked at the three children he had smuggled out of Konoha. They'd been marching all day and were tired but were't complaining, mostly because he had cheerfully told them that they would be walking till they dropped. All _three of them_ dropped. In his defence, it was that or face the wrath of the Jounin Commander. So they were wandering around the countryside of fire practicing stalking and walking without being noticed for however long it took for Badger to let him know that the Commander only wanted to maim them a little bit, and not execute them all on sight. And if they complained enough when they returned, perhaps they'd decide that he was extremely unsuitable for the command of baby shinobi and reassign them all. 

Bliss.

And if not, well at least they'll be all trained up for senpai when he arrived. 

He wondered why he kept thinking of that, and why there was almost a twinge of regret that he would be handing them back soon. He glanced back to see them running up the uneven surface, shoulders drooping, but eyes filled with determination. He frowned. He would have to test their limits. They were kids and thought they were invincible. They weren't, but they didn't know that yet. It might have to be a lesson for another day though. "Set up a camp, don't forget the watch. Find me in the morning." 

They stared at him in confusion but then Sakura nodded and continued walking, looking for a good campsite and the boys had no choice but to follow her. He flickered up to the trees and watched them, feeling something like pride trying to bloom again as they found an excellent spot, Naruto laying out traps and seals, Sakura hunting for food and Sasuke setting up the rest of the camp. Yamato made note of the areas for improvement, some of the traps could be positioned better, Sakura probably didn't need to hunt such a large beast, but they were far enough from Konoha now that the deer she brought down definitely wasn't a Nara deer. That was the last thing he needed. Ah. Looks like he would have to teach them how to skin a deer properly. He winced as the three prepared it, ruining the pelt. But it was passable, and the meat and edible organs were the most important parts of the beast anyway. Sasuke at least hadn't set up a tent. The nights would be clear for some time, which was fortunate because tents only inhibited ones reaction time and offered next to no protection. Still, his positioning of the two sleeping bags was not ideal. And he should have laid out the third to make it look like they were a larger party. 

Still, they'd done well. 

He wondered how long it would take them to find him in the morning. 

(Their cries of outrage when they found him sitting in one of his wooden constructs the next morning was music to his ears). 

Ayaka ducked her chin as the Jounin Commander walked into his office, sighing in relief that he didn't ask if Yamato's squad had reported back into the village yet. Oh sure, when an ANBU stood over you, requesting a seal be applied to an order _retrospectively_ , you did it. That was the job and ANBU didn't have to be nice about it, but they were usually nice to her, so she had stamped it and then watched in horror as ANBU Badger had written in Yamato's name at the top. And now she was complicit in betraying her boss. 

She knew the Jounin Commander knew about her involvement. No one had seen Badger for weeks, though rumour was that he was working to restore Nara land in team Yamato's stead. "Ayaka," she sat upright and turned to the Jounin Commander who lifted a brow at her startled reaction. 

"Sorry sir, how can I help you?" 

"Let me know when they return. And tell them that I'll need an in-person report. I'd like you to sit in on it." 

She swallowed but nodded and as soon as he returned to his office, she hurried to the aviary. "Need to send a letter to one of our teams training in the mountains." Watching the bird take flight, Ayaka quietly mourned her quiet life before she became involved in all the shenanigans that the shinobi regularly included her in. 

"Tamadono-san?" She blinked and looked at the chuunin manning the aviary desk that day. 

"Ah, apologies, I got lost on the road of life." Ayaka looked horrified at what she said, clapped her hand to her mouth and fled. Where had that come from. 

(Her desk mates looked entirely too amused at her dismay).


	4. The superiority of the Clans (joint training sessions only sound good...)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Had Kakashi been there, he would have clearly said 'no thank you' and team seven never would have participated in a joint team training session. Yamato didn't know that polite refusal was an option

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is less crack treated seriously and more serious treated seriously with a side of emotions that no one asked for. You've been warned. 
> 
> Also featuring BAMF!Sakura because dammit, but she has an advantage over every other genin of her year, and she had so much potential...

Yamato didn't flinch as the Commander pointedly shut the door in their face and he looked down at Ayaka who actually looked near tears at the dressing down she'd received due to her role in the plot ANBU Badger had hatched. "Sorry," he said and she shook her head and moved over to her desk, focusing on her work. He could tell that she wasn't fine, but he had three students who looked pale and a bit shaken to look after. 

It was a role he'd had to play many times with junior ANBU operatives. Or more accurately it was a role Senpai had forced him to play many times. When Yamato had first been taken from Root he'd had a hard time understanding why an operative twice his age had been shaken over the work they'd been required to perform. Senpai had pointedly taken the operative aside and calmed them down, made sure they were fit to continue and then took him aside and explained a few things. Yamato had been forced to play the steadfast comrade, the one who would take care of everyone if their mental and emotional fortitude ever slipped while on a mission. At the time he had resented being forced to learn that side of the business, now he was grateful. 

Genin not slated for the ANBU track weren't always skilled at hiding emotions, or working through a dressing down like that. He quietly told them to meet at the training ground and looked back at Ayaka but she waved him away. "I knew that was coming," she shrugged. "Go deal with them." Yamato nodded and thanked her for the note turning to go.

"Any word on Kakashi?" At her negative response he sighed and headed for the store to get some bento boxes for the kids. They'd done well the last few weeks, but he needed to get some vegetables into them. 

"Heard you were back," Yamato blinked and looked up at the two sensei who were approaching him. Yamato blinked. Sarutobi Asuma and Yuuhi Kurenai, of the two he was pretty sure that Kurenai was the most dangerous. He could take Asuma any day of the week. He wasn't sure he'd ever spoken to them unmasked before. 

"Hello?" he turned to face them, careful not to look at Kurenai, keeping his chakra agitated, hopefully good enough so that a genjutsu wouldn't even be able to settle. Oh there were rules about genjutsu in the village, but they were shinobi, rules were for the weak. And the civilians. 

"You're Yamato-san right?" Asuma asked and Yamato nodded and saw their interest sharpen as they studied him. "Team 7's sensei? I heard you took them on an unauthorised survival mission." 

Yamato didn't react, it was common knowledge by now what he had done. He moved towards the register paying for the three bento boxes and drinks. "Yamato-san, Asuma and I do cross team training every week and we thought it might be nice to have your team join us. Yamato blinked as he accepted the bag from the cashier and turned to them. "My team aren't ready for cross-team training," he informed them collecting some sets of chopsticks and running a quick poison check on them before he threw them in the bag. "They need more work." 

Asuma and Kurenai chased after him. "Yes, but it's just an opportunity for them to get used to different training techniques and free sparring against other opponents." 

Yamato thought that was actually a terrible idea. Naruto was just learning to incorporate seals into his fighting form, they were still unstable and prone to backfire in amusing (and potentially lethal) ways. Naruto was also considering looking into tattooing seals onto himself, their power would always be there, and they would afford extra protection. Of course Yamato had tried to talk him out of that because even in the shinobi world, tattoos and brands were for criminals and slaves. Some Clans used them for markings, but these would be more akin to individualised tattoos rather than a clan identifier. But the boy was stubborn.

Sasuke had developed an alarming proficiency with the tanto in a short amount of time, and that was only partly down to his sharingan. Yamato was considering moving him over to the chokuto - Sasuke had a tendency to overreach. While curved blades were perhaps more effective, the chokuto would give him a greater reach than the tanto and require only minimal adjustment to the form he was already learning. The Hyuuga may have something to say about one of the Uchiha using a weapons that was traditionally associated with their Clan, but if he could get Minoru onside, the rest of the Clan would be fine with it. 

And Sakura? Well she was a genjutsu user, but more than that she was imaginative and incredibly deceptive. Yamato was quietly the most proud of her. While on their survival trip Sakura had discovered the potential uses of a chakra blade, and the dangers of chanelling chakra through a blade that hadn't been prepared to have chakra flooding through it. The results had been explosive. Naturally the genin had decided the working out how much chakra a blade could hold before it exploded was the only thing to do, and they had experimented. She was clever and intelligent and with Naruto and Sasuke's encouragement, she would become a name to be feared. 

He could see that the two weren't willing to let it go though. "Fine. When and where?" 

Yamato was uneasy. He had been training his genin like he would baby ANBU, but they'd never actually gone against their peers since the Academy almost four months ago. He'd only trained baby genin who were in the ANBU program, he had no idea what normal genin were capable of, he had no idea what levels they were supposed to achieve. He was kicking himself for not doing some recon on the other teams first. He assumed his genin had - he had trained them that knowing the enemy was important, and standing among their peers, they looked confident. More jovial than they normally would, but confident. And this time there wasn't any brashness or cockiness. 

So when Asuma suggested they start with free sparring, Yamato wanted to say 'no', but he also trusted his team. They thought that they could take on the other genin and he knew that worst comes, they'd break rules of engagement to protect their team mate. So he didn't protest when Asuma and Kurenai noted that where possible they'd try to have a sensei refereeing students they weren't training. "Avoid the potential for favourtism," Asuma said, lighting up a cigarette. Yamato snorted. They were shinobi. They would be doing whatever it took to let their own students succeed. 

Oh, they may have invited him because only three teams made it through to the combat program, but in reality it was because they thought he was easy. An untrained jounin with very little public record. Probably a fresh jounin given that his vest was still stiff with starch and hadn't properly been broken in yet. They thought he would be going easy on his team, wanting to be their friend and not their sensei. Well jokes on them. He didn't even want to be their sensei.

(He was startled to realise that that may no longer be entirely true). 

The odd feeling disappeared into smugness as Asuma called them to attention and Yamato's genin immediately broke away from the others to line up before him, offering Asuma a perfect bow of a genin to a superior officer. Their formality stunned the other two teams and there was a scramble to emulate Yamato's team, lining up before the assembled sensei. The smugness continued as Yamato saw that their line became wonky and they didn't quite manage the appropriate depths of the required bow. 

Asuma shot Yamato a look but didn't comment on team seven's behaviour. "We're going to do some free sparring, give us the opportunity to see where you need to improve for the rest of the year. Any volunteers to go first?" 

Yamato wanted to shout 'no!' when Ino shoved Sakura's shoulder (and Yamato was proud of Sakura for not knifing her for that - others would have lost their hands). "I will, eh forehead? You wanna have a go?" 

Sakura looked over at him and he nodded before she grinned at Ino. "Alright then." It was a disarming grin designed to hide her true intentions.

At Asuma's order, the genin formed something of a ring around Sakura and Ino as Kurenai stepped forward to referee the match, giving the two a quick rundown of the rules they'd be using for the spar and seeking their agreement. "Bow," Kurenai ordered and the two formed the hand signs Konoha used for a friendly spar. 

"I wanted to go first," Kiba scowled and Yamato saw his three almost flinch at the idea of actually sulking over something like that - complaining cause Sensei was a sadist who was plotting their deaths? Fine, almost a given. Complaining because they didn't get to go first? Sensei would have had them running laps for days. He'd done it before, he'd do it again. 

"It's okay, Kiba," Ino soothed as she reached for her leg holster. "This won't take long, Sakura's just a civilian-shinobi after all." 

Yamato sighed, well there was no saving Ino now. He'd have to work out an appropriate gift to the Yamanaka Clan, something that said 'sorry that your daughter mouthed off to the wrong person and got herself killed'. He idly wondered if there was a flower arrangement for that. There probably was. There was a flower arrangement for everything. Sakura's disarming grin dimmed and turned polite, careful to only show unease in her green eyes. Kurenai blinked as she saw the genjutsu Sakura was employing to project that and she glanced over at Yamato who was just resigned to whatever was going to happen. 

In his defence, he had tried to say no. 

Sakura sighed. She hadn't wanted to do this, was hoping to keep it secret for the chuunin exams, but Ino just had a talent for making her so angry. She was a shinobi, graduated from the same academy as the rest of them. Even if she hadn't gained the top position she thought she had. She had graduated. She wore the leaf. Her origins didn't matter. Sakura ruthlessly ignored the voice that told her that of _course_ Clan shinobi were superior. It had been drilled into them at the academy, not through words but through actions. The civilian kids always received a harsher punishment than clan kids. They were always released to lunch after the clan kids, always expected back into the classroom first. Passing grades weren't enough, they had to be better. Had to perform better for the same grades. 

That had eased slightly when she had fallen under the Yamanaka's protection through her friendship with Ino, but that had fallen away when they had fallen out and she had been firmly reminded of her place. It's why she had rebelled - worked out exactly how much she needed to do in her physical training to maintain a high enough grade that it wouldn't affect the classwork, and did no more than she needed. While she'd initially been thrilled that she'd gotten on the team with Sasuke, she'd also been worried that whatever Sensei she'd gotten would treat her as a civilian and focus on Sasuke and then on Naruto, because the Uzumaki had once been a Clan that had been feared, and most of the older generation still told stories of the last Uzumaki before Naruto and her prowess on the battlefield. 

But Sensei hadn't. Sensei had trained her as hard as he had trained Sasuke and Naruto. She had earned her rank and was proving that every day. Maybe she wasn't born to a clan, _but that didn't matter_. She was good and Sensei would never forgive her if she didn't take this fight seriously. But if she could also prove a point? 

It was a good thing she'd thrown up a genjutsu because otherwise Ino would have seen her resolve and that would have taken half the fun. 

She withdrew a kunai and held it in a loose grip, watching as Ino mirrored her. She bared her teeth in a mockery of baring fangs and leaped forward when Kurenai-sensei called for them to begin. She dodged a kunai with a tag on it that Ino threw and casually knocked a smaller throwing blade aside before she spun, dodging under an arm, her kunai meeting air as Ino leaped back. Sakura readied herself knowing she was far too slow, for Sensei's expectations, but fast enough for this to work. 

She could hear the others murmuring that she had really improved since the academy and Sakura nodded to herself. It was true. But her improvement wasn't just because of sensei. Sakura wasn't born to a clan. _She didn't have to learn Clan techniques_. While Naruto was learning sealing and trapping and Sasuke was learning swordplay, she'd only had to learn whatever she had to in order to survive as a Shinobi. Nothing more. This gave her an advantage over all the other genin of her year.

Ino was going to be destroyed, she just didn't know it yet. 

Sensei told them that one who had mastered a basic technique could destroy one who had learned a thousand.

Sakura had been taught genjutsu and she had a creative mind that allowed her to take a super simple genjutsu and twist it into lethal and effective methods. So she used a subtle genjutsu to make it look like she had used a doton to trip Ino. Not expecting Sakura to know elemental manipulation, because outside of the clans _no one taught civilian shinobi proper elemental jutsu until they were chuunin_ Ino stumbled, frowning when she realised she hadn't tripped over stone, rather her own feet.

Ino's head snapped up as understanding hit her and she violently jerked her chakra, the disturbed earth melting away and worse, the uncertainty was gone from Sakura's gaze leaving only firm and confident resolve behind. Sakura did not grin. One did not grin at an opponent. That was cocky and would have them running only on water ways or walls for a week. Sakura was a polite girl, she wouldn't taunt Ino like that. Instead she surged forward, not hiding her speed now that she didn't need to worry about breaking the genjutsu she'd layered over Ino. Ino skipped back, barely missing the slash of the kunai and tried to mount her own counter attack. 

Sakura was expecting it. She had Naruto as a training partner, he was unpredictable, it meant that one had to learn to expect nothing and everything from a spar. Ino was practically telegraphing her moves, desperately trying to get her to stay still, desperately trying to form her Clan's hand sign that would allow her to steal into Sakura's body and force her to resign from the match. It was unacceptable and Sakura didn't give her the chance, always moving, driving Ino back, looking for her chance, ducking a clumsy punch and there!

Chakra channeled down her kunai, sharpening the edge. However, Ino was Asuma's student and she recognised the effect of chakra on a blade and barely twisted out of the way, missing the way Sakura's empty hand brushed her hair. 

The sensei didn't.

The other genin didn't either. 

Sakura bared her teeth again and Ino blinked at the murmurs of concern that were drifting around her and looked down to see what Sakura had done. Long blonde locks of her were at her feet. No one was expecting the screech of irritation that sounded when Ino saw her hair, kicking them away from her in anger, the hair scattering between them, strands settling on Sakura's feet. 

“How dare you!”

Sakura shrugged, backing off but didn't say anything. Wear long hair at your own peril was what Sensei had drilled into all of them. Sakura could have grabbed it instead and used it to pull Ino in like an oversized fish, but she hadn't - she'd gone for humiliation instead. And then she blinked and looked down, her feet weren't budging and Ino was smirking. _Huh?_

“You're mine, forehead.” Ino formed her Clan's handseals and Sakura immediately tried to dodge but she wasn't fast enough. 

Ino looked around the mind and frowned. There were partitions among partitions, not even Shikamaru's mind was like this. This was far too... strange. She looked around. “Sakura?” Where was her avatar? Where was her mind? “Sakura are you there?”

No response. Ino frowned and shrugged it off. Every mind was different, and she wasn't here to walk it. She was here to take control of the body. It was always odd to open another person's eyes, to see the world as they saw it. Colours were always slightly different, depth perception off slightly, even clarity of vision was something that one had to get used to. But the weirdest thing about snatching a body was seeing your own body just lying there. Without Shikamaru or Choji at her side, she felt oddly vulnerable and a shiver ran up her back as though she was being stalked by a predator. She'd have to finish this quickly so she didn't have to think about it. Raising her hand she turned her head towards Kurenai-sensei and smiled. "And I think that's-" Ino-in-Sakura felt her throat tighten, unable to finish forfeiting the match and she heard a whisper behind her. 

_Get out_.

Ino looked over her shoulder but no one was there. 

_Get out of here._

Sakura? This wasn't right – Sakura's mind should have been dormant, while there should have been an Avatar present the Avatar should have been asleep or staring dazedly into space; there shouldn't have been anything active here apart from Ino herself.

 _You're making me angry! Now"_ GET OUT!”

Everyone watched as Ino stirred in her own body. Sakura was panting like she'd been fighting a battle and Shikamaru and Chouji cried out as Sakura wove her chakra around Ino's and tore apart the chakra binding her to the hair, allowing her to move as Ino was struggling to her feet. Sakura tackled the girl, driving her knee into Inos' back right between her shoulder blades. Ino cried out in pain and tried to fight her, but Sakura set one hand at the back of her neck and told her to stop struggling as she grabbed Ino's right hand and cleanly snapped a finger. 

Yamato sighed. He'd really thought it would be Sasuke or Naruto pulling a stunt like this, not Sakura. He didn't intervene. Neither did the other sensei. 

“Can't use nasty superior Clan jutsu if you can't use nasty superior Clan hands.” She broke a second finger and was reaching for the third before Kurenai called an end to the match when it became clear that Ino wouldn't be able to go on. Sakura released the hand and stood, bowing politely to Ino before she moved to stand between Sasuke and Naruto.

Kurenai and Asuma turned to him, like he was able to control the little monsters. 

Of course he _was_ , but they thought the lesson would be that their teams were superior, and they weren't happy that their lesson had change dramatically to _don't underestimate your opponent_ and _assume all intelligence is out of date._

"Maybe my team is a little too advanced for your teams," he settled on and turned away, calling for them to fall in. They did. 

"Do you think I should have healed it?" Sakura asked as Naruto brayed like a donkey and Sasuke rolled his eyes. It wasn't _that_ funny. 

" _Can't use nasty superior Clan jutsu if you can't use nasty superior Clan hands_." Naruto was howling his laughter now and Sakura growled. 

"Naruto!" 

"Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke." The three snapped to alertness and Yamato sighed as he studied them. "Well done today." He was actually quite proud of what they had achieved. And they wouldn't be invited back to any more training sessions. Of course now he was going to have to push them harder because he knew Asuma and Kurenai would be forcing their students to catch up. "But that's enough celebrating." He pointed at the track he had set up in the trees. "If you can't do that in less than a minute, you'll do ten pushups for every second over. And you'll do it until you can do it under a minute." 

Yamato retreated to watch them from the shadows of the trees and frowned in thought. He was proud of them. Of _course_ he was proud of them. For the last three weeks they had been forced to survive using only their wits and skills, that they had actually once taken the cabin from him (yes, yes, he had let them! but they deserved it) was just testament to how well they worked together as a team. They were slowly polishing each other into a unit and if he was just glimpsing their potential now, he was proud to be able to say that he had helped shape them into their future selves. 

Perhaps he did understand why people wanted to be jounin-sensei, despite the severe pay-cut and being stuck in the village for a significant period of time. These rotten kids had wormed their way into his heart and made him want to bundle them up in a cabin in the middle of nowhere and hiss at any passing by that these were his and they could leave them all alone. And the sudden possessiveness scared him in a way he hadn't been scared of for such a long time. He sat on the branch and tried to work out when he had last felt like this. When he had last been floored by the emotions he was feeling. 

He knew ANBU were circling the three, keeping an eye out for their progress, seeing how they would go when trained by an ANBU, but not in the program. Yamato didn't want to admit that he had been expecting them to fail. He wanted them to do so poorly or hurt themselves so badly that there would be a review. And then Naruto had and his first thought had been to ignore the Hokage's summons and see how Naruto was going, and then during the survival test, they had performed to a standard he wouldn't expect from the class that graduated ahead of them. It was... unsettling how quickly they picked up on cues, how quickly they took a lesson to heart, how often they met his impossible expectations and blew straight past them. 

They would have been wasted on Kakashi. 

And his breath hitched in his chest as he realised what he had thought. And then again when he realised that he meant it. Kakashi-senpai was an excellent shinobi, an admirable captain and someone who could train experts to be better, but he wasn't good with the baby genin drafted into ANBU. So why has Kakashi-senpai been given this team? Sure it had Uzumaki on it, but that shouldn't have been the only reason. And yes, the Council had been trying to get Kakashi to take a team for almost four years now, but he had refused, or failed the team almost immediately with his stupid team work test. Everyone knew that team work could be trained, would be trained. But to expect children who had been trained in a competitive environment like the Academy to suddenly abandon their training and decide to work as a team? Very few would have done it. 

And that was the point. Kakashi hadn't wanted a team. He'd wanted to remain in ANBU. 

Yamato hadn't wanted this team. 

But they were his now. Senpai could pry them from his cold dead hands. 

He blinked and shuddered. No. No. Senpai could take them with his full blessing. There were probably a dozen missions running right now that could use his particular skillsets on, missions that he wasn't on because he was being dragged down by three baby genin. At least senpai was just an assassin. (His internal laughter was a little hysterical at that thought). Assassins and team leaders could be replaced. Senpai was particularly good, and there were very few who could operate at his level and achieve the same results he did, but the truth of the matter was that Senpai could be replaced on a team. Yamato could not. 

He leaned against the apple tree and watched his genin as they swore under their breath, completing another set of push-ups and felt fondness hit him again. 

Yamato decided that he didn't like emotions ambushing him like this. 

It was almost midnight by the time Ayaka left the missions desk. The chuunin exams were coming up and that involved months and months of preparation. Security had to be simultaneously downgraded and upgraded, residences needed to be prepared for visiting dignitaries, inns had to be cleared for the participants and those arrangements cleared by the visiting villages. Then there were the camera crews that had to be brought in from the capital, screens to set up throughout fire and Naruto to distract because they couldn't have any of the other villagers realise that this child was the Jinchuuriki and abscond with him. 

It had taken them two hours of planning to realise that they didn't actually need to hide Naruto away this year. He would most likely be participating. Still, she had been given the perilous task of informing Yamato that one of his students probably had no idea about the exams or what they entailed. She groaned. Mouse had assured her that Yamato and his team were in the training ground and had offered to give her a lift, but Ayaka had waved it away, the walk would be good and the night was quite peaceful. She still found Mouse walking beside her. "Did you hear about the spar that happened between Yamanaka Ino and Haruno Sakura?" Ayaka had heard about it. They lived in a shinobi village, if there was one activity that applied to all shinobi equally it was gossip. 

"Ino-san's all healed up now though?" 

"Yep," Mouse almost laughed. "Though I hear Haruno nearly cut her hand off!" Ayaka was pretty sure that hadn't happened. At least it hadn't been part of the earliest round of gossip that Finch had given her when she had been getting tea. "The Yamanaka are crying for blood." Ayaka knew that was true enough. Inoichi-sama had turned up and kicked out a team of Jounin receiving orders and slammed the door to the Jounin Commander's room shut, and then Akimichi-sama had appeared with a smile and calmly entered the room himself. "But Hokage-sama's already told them that it was a valid spar, and that the jounin-sensei could have stopped it at any time." 

Ayaka snorted at that. The Jounin-sensei were a violent bloodthirsty sort who were supposed to do whatever they could to keep their students alive. Hokage-sama was correct, they could have stopped it at any time, but they wouldn't have. Ino had been prideful of her skills, scornful of her opponents upbringing, and that made her stupid. It was an easy lesson to learn in the safety of the village and one she had seemingly learned well. Ayaka doubted that Ino would be quite so careless about an opponent in the future. 

"You should have seen it, Ayaka-san. The girl threw up a genjutsu and then just layered the same one on top until Ino was a crying mess on the ground." 

"If you're spreading rumours about the head of T&I's daughter I'm not going to save you," she warned and Mouse laughed and took off, joining her team on a lazy patrol of the village. Ayaka continued to walk towards the training ground where she found three genin fast asleep, curled up at the base of a tree. Yamato dropped down to greet her and she offered him a small smile. "Chuunin exams are coming up," she warned him and nodded down to Naruto. He grimaced, understanding the unspoken comment. 

"No word on senpai?" 

Ayaka shook her head. "Though we're expecting him soon." She studied the three and looked at him when he shifted. "If he's gone another week we'll send out scouts." 

Yamato nodded. ANBU were chomping at the bit to get their captain back. "Thanks, Ayaka-san." She blinked and she frowned as she studied him. 

"Yamato-san?" He offered her a faint smile and wished her a good night, asking if she needed an escort home. Ayaka shook her head as she looked at him and wished him a good night before she turned towards the village, her brow furrowing in thought before she realised that tomorrow she'd be the one with the new gossip relating to team 7.


	5. Tag! You're it (or one final attempt to get out of this mess)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “These the brats?” Sparrow alighted on the branch beside him.  
> “Mmhmm.”  
> “First tree walking and now shunshin? What are you teaching them?”  
> “I'm trying to get them to kill themselves! I didn't realise they would actually understand the exercises before they could break their necks.” Sparrow turned her painted mask towards him and he waved away her judgement. “Oh don't look at me like that, one argument and you'd be wringing their necks yourself.”  
> “As opposed to you who just tries to make it look like a training accident.”  
> “You think I could stage it?” He looked thoughtful and Sparrow rolled her eyes.  
> “Not now that we've had this conversation,” she pointed out. “I'd be duty-bound to report it if anything did happen to them.”  
> “I thought we were friends!” he accused and she patted his back.  
> “We are, but there's no way in hell-o.” Yamato looked at her in confusion.  
> “Hello?”  
> “Hi, senpai.” Sparrow turned and fled as Kakashi strolled through the forest, murderous intent aimed straight at Yamato.

Kakashi frowned as he approached the gates, people were acting strangely around him. He put the Ebon Falls garrison's weirdness as preparing to genjutsu and then escort an entire caravan of traders to Konoha. He had never been garrisoned but he had done enough missions escorting merchants to last him a life time. Seeing that they were uncommonly busy he waved but continued moving. As much as he wanted to rest in a safe place, he would rather do that in his lovely and safe apartment. So he wasn't appreciating the fact that Izumo and Kotetsu paled when they saw him approaching. He wasn't covered in blood and gore, he didn't have entrails following him, he wasn't even reading his erotica! Not that he thought that any of those would actually make the two chuunin pale – they were some of Ibiki's best grey-coats after all, and there was very little that would make them look like that. “Good morning,” he greeted them amiably

“Kakashi! You're back!” Izumo managed and Kakashi looked up from pressing his thumbprint against the sign-in book (it was very rare that an enemy would have copies of finger prints, so while signatures and chops could be copied or stolen, a henge'd shinobi usually wouldn't be able to mimic fingerprint) and picked up a cloth with some sort of spirit soaking it to remove the ink from his thumb.

“Should I not be?”

The two almost fell over themselves to reassure him that it was fine and everything was fine and Kakashi made a soft sound and narrowed his eye at them.

“Sorry,” Kotetsu laughed suddenly. “Anko put something in our coffee this morning and we're waiting to see what it is.”

“Probably sugar,” Kakashi offered. “But it's Anko, so good luck.”

They both laughed nervously and he waved before heading towards the Hokage tower, hearing two sighs of relief in his wake. “Ne, Izumo-kun.”

He almost cackled when they both came to attention. “Sir?”

“What month is it? Days are meaningless when you're evading trackers...”

“Oh. Uh... It's the last month of spring.”

“Meaning the latest class of academy graduates finished... four months ago?”

The silence was telling. He shoved his hands into his pockets, his posture casually letting the Chuunin know that he would wait all day for an answer.

“Yes, sir.”

“And do you know what happened to Uzumaki?”

“Graduated, sir.”

Kakashi made another sound and resumed his walk to the Hokage Tower.

  
  


His report was simple and he was given two weeks leave to recover from the ordeal (it had been a brisk run through the countryside, hardly an ordeal) and reminded to check in with the hospital. He promised he would and stepped out to a mostly empty missions room. All the shinobi had disappeared (he could hear them racing away) and only Tamadono Ayaka was left. Kakashi grinned. He had worked with her parents in ANBU, and her brothers were excellent toku-jous who had been genuine pleasures to captain. Ayaka would answer any question he had, if only because while she _was_ only a civilian, they had an excellent working relationship. She eyed him warily as he approached her. “Morning, Ayaka-chan.”

“I can't help you, Hatake-san,” she said immediately, hurrying to stand with a pile of documents for the Jounin Commander's attention. Kakashi stepped in her way and he grinned at the dismay on her face.

“You help with matching jounin to baby genin yes?”

“Sometimes.”

“Come now, don't be modest. There's been a greater rate of acceptance since you stepped in to work with the Academy sensei with the matches.”

“Maybe,” she allowed and started to side-step him. Kakashi simply matched her.

“Excellent, and Uzumaki's sensei is?”

“I can't help you with that,” she almost pleaded.

“Your loyalty is admirable,” he praised and reached out to pat her head as though she were a puppy who had performed a trick. “But you see, Uzumaki was supposed to be mine, and he would have been if my mission hadn't gone over unexpectedly. So I just want to go and chat to the sensei and see if they need any assistance. I have two weeks off after all, and it would be my pleasure.”

“Hatake-san, you're supposed to rest during those two weeks, not go gallivanting all over the village threatening poor sensei who did nothing wrong.”

Kakashi gave her his best 'who me?' look and she scowled at him. “Ayaka-chan.”

“I can't help you.”

Kakashi sighed as she ducked around him and headed for the Jounin Commander's door. “I think you can, and you owe me.”

She froze and turned to look at him, aware of a team of chuunin who were coming in to drop a report off and groaned when Kakashi shooed them away. “You want me to repay that favour in a meaningless manner? You can find out their sensei by going to the Jounin Lounge or any of the bars around town!”

Kakashi grinned. “But this is so much faster.”

“Shinobi are ridiculous,” she groaned again.

“Kakashi,” the Jounin Commander suddenly spoke up from where he was standing in his office. “What have I told you about harassing my staff?”

“To only do it while the sun is shining?” Ayaka scoffed and handed the papers to Shikaku, informing him that the others went for tea. He sighed and muttered something but then looked at Kakashi.

“Try not to harass Ayaka too much, I use her to go after the jounin I don't care to deal with myself.”

“No promises,” Kakashi said cheerfully and Ayaka looked back at him.

“Yamato has them.”

“Yamato?” Kakashi blinked, trying to think of who that was. While he wasn't friendly with most people, he did know the jounin names and profiles at least. “Never heard of him.”

“Yes well, he hasn't had that name for too long.” She avoided eye contact and wandered back to her desk, shuffling papers before she found a scrap piece and wrote some information down. “You probably knew him as Tenzo,” she said calmly, handing him the paper which listed three names and a training ground. “And we're even after this?”

“Of course.” Kakashi's smile was predatory and she felt a shiver of foreboding run through her. “Tell the others it's safe to come out now.”

“If you kill him, I'll make you do the paperwork from prison!” she called after him and he breathed a laugh.

Civilians were adorable.

He gave up. He had taught them the basics of shunshin in the full expectations that they would get chakra exhaustion and need to go to the hospital where a full investigation would be carried out and determine that he was training them in techniques far above their skill level and would be removed from his position as a new sensei was found for them. But did they have the decency to get chakra exhaustion and collapse, forcing him to take them to the hospital and submit himself to an investigation?

Of course not.

They were, instead, shunshining around. Granted they were clumsy and had a tendency to slam into trees or each other, but they were still doing it! Finesse would come with time. He supposed he ought to be proud of them for getting the hang of a skill like this, but really he was just tired. What did he have to do to make them nearly die? Attack them himself?

Actually...

No. A black mark on his record and a lecture from the Hokage or the Commander on valuing the next generation he could take, prison time? He had spent time at the prison as an ANBU Guard, no way was he going there as an inmate! And even if he wasn't sent to prison, he would have to deal with a lot of paperwork. The paperwork was not worth the satisfaction of getting out of being their sensei.

He ignored the twinge of regret at the thought of losing them so soon. 

“These the brats?” Sparrow alighted on the branch beside him, studying the genin as they played some bastardised version of shunshin tag.

“Mmhmm.”

“First tree walking and now shunshin? What are you teaching them?”

“I'm trying to get them to kill themselves! I didn't realise they would actually understand the exercises before they could break their necks.” Sparrow turned her painted mask towards him and he waved away her judgement. “Oh don't look at me like that, one argument and you'd be wringing their necks yourself.”

“As opposed to you who just tries to make it look like a training accident.”

“You think I could stage it?” He looked thoughtful and Sparrow rolled her eyes.

“Not now that we've had this conversation,” she pointed out. “I'd be duty-bound to report it if anything did happen to them.”

“I thought we were friends!” he accused and she patted his back.

“We are, but there's no way in hell-o.” Yamato looked at her in confusion.

“Hello?”

“Hi, senpai.” Sparrow turned and fled as Kakashi strolled through the forest, murderous intent aimed straight at Yamato.

  
  


Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke came to a stop when they saw the strange Jounin walking towards their rather terrified looking sensei. Anyone who could make their sensei look like that was probably important. Suddenly Sakura gasped and looked at the boys. “That's Hatake Kakashi! Elite Jounin of Konoha! Apparently a Hokage-candidate!”

“What?” The two looked at him and back to their team mate who had hearts in her eyes.

“He graduated the academy when he was five! And it wasn't just because of the second world war, because the others he started with didn't graduate until they were nine! And then he made chuunin when he was six! By the time he was our age, he was already a Jounin for at least a year! He's amazing.”

Naruto and Sasuke exchanged a glance. They were used to Sakura fan-girling over Sasuke, but not over a random jounin they had never met before.

“He doesn't look all that impressive,” Naruto finally said, forming a fist which showed off his latest seal - one that would enhance his chakra output tenfold when he hit someone. “I could probably take him.”

Sasuke scoffed at that. He vaguely remembered the name. “His father was the White Fang.” That name Naruto did know. One of the heroes of Konoha, he had single handedly leveled Suna during the second world war, and brought back some puppeteers as spoils of war to assist the hospital with the fitting of prosthetic limbs and to teach the shinobi how to use them properly.

“Woah.”

Sakura sighed again, hearts in her eyes as Sasuke rolled his and the three watched as he approached Yamato-sensei.

“Senpai,” Yamato dropped to the ground, at least he was surrounded by trees. Trees liked him? Right?

The trees seemed to freeze.

Great, even the trees were scared of Senpai.

“Tenzou! A little birdie told me you're a sensei now with baby genin of your own.”

“Uh...Well you see.”

“The same little birdie also mentioned that this team happened to be _mine_. The one _I_ claimed the day he was born! _That_ team.” The genin blinked in surprise at him pointing at them. One of the most legendary shinobi in the village wanted them? Or at least one of them to train?

“Senpai!”

“Yes?” Kakashi waited.

“I tried to say no! Didn't I brats! I've been trying to get off this detail for _months_! Where have _you_ been!”

“Well,” Naruto mused as he studied the two. “Yamato-sensei first tried to commit suicide from the classroom window.”

“Then he pleaded with Iruka-sensei to get the Hokage to switch him out,” Sakura continued.

“Taught us dangerous jutsu hoping for a negligence dismissal,” Sasuke said

“Made us do an entire week of wall walking where we weren't allowed to touch the street!”

“Forced us into super dangerous training scenarios,” Naruto flailed a little as he tried to convey the extent of the super dangerous training scenarios.

“Forced me to learn suiton though my affinity _isn't_ suiton.”

Kakashi looked at the three then back to Yamato who was _trying to become invisible without using a jutsu_. “Stay,” he told Yamato and approached the genin, circling them. “Ink?”

“Oh yeah, Sensei's started me of fuinjutsu! It's really cool,” Naruto's grin suddenly turned sheepish. “Though the other month my seal exploded in my face, but it's okay! My eyebrows grew back see! And the burns healed within a few hours! and I'm learning how to incorporate them into my fighting style now! And the Nara don't want to murder me any more for that seal that tore up their lands..." Sasuke nudged Naruto to shut up and Naruto did so as Kakashi circled them, seeing the tanto on Sasuke's back and the first aid kit on Sakura's hip.

Kakashi stood behind the three and studied Yamato over their heads. “Well, it looks like you've done an excellent job of training the baby genin, Yamato. Even if you are reckless.”

“In my defence, I only know how to train baby ANBU,” he said morosely. Kakashi smiled fondly. Any genin received by the ANBU Combat division were essentially tortured until they were up to speed or sent to either ANBU T&I or S&I after failing out. Yamato was probably going easy on these kids because they were in the regulars, not ANBU.

“I'm watching you, _Yamato_ - _kun_ ,” Kakashi said and Yamato didn't even bother to hide his dismay as Kakashi told the three genin that they could come to him for anything whenever he was in village and offered to train them in kenjutsu, ninjutsu and fuinjutsu. “And let me know if my precious kouhai does something he shouldn't. Or if you end up in hospital from chakra exhaustion. I'll come and rescue you,” he promised and Yamato whimpered as Kakashi took one last look at the students and wandered off into the forest.

Wait.

What?

He lived?

His relief was shortlived as suddenly Kakashi was at his shoulder once more. "Actually..." 

Ayaka couldn't help the look of dismay that crossed her face when Kakashi and Yamato appeared before her. They had originally been lined up in front of Riku but he had seen them coming and loudly commented on his empty cup of tea, amending his statement to cold cup of tea when Kakashi pointed out that it was full. When Kakashi pointed out that there was steam coming off it, he growled and said that it wasn't the right tea and someone else could help him. Of course then all the other chuunin in the room had ducked their heads or hastily started conversations with the shinobi in front of them and Ayaka had muttered that for shinobi, they were all scaredy-cats, and sent the other shinobi, including a genin team over to another line as the two Jounin approached her.

“And how can I help you today, Hatake-san, Yamato-san.”

“Ayaka! We have a plan!” Kakashi shouldn't have found her expression that amusing. It was probably wrong to torment civilians like this, but he hadn't received an official reprimand about it yet, and he knew that Ayaka could give as well as she got. “See, Yamato has been doing a truly wonderful job with the baby genin of mine, he's taught them so well! But they have several flaws. Why Yamato-kun thought that Sasuke-kun would be best placed learning suiton jutsu, and everyone knows that Uchiha were katon inclined, with maybe raiton showing up every now and then. And Naruto-kun was left unsupervised when he was playing with tags that exploded in his face! The poor dear child has a healing factor though so he recovered swiftly.” He put his hand over his heart. “I just think my poor little kouhai is too inexperienced to truly teach a team of genin without supervision!”

“I'm not replacing him with you,” Ayaka said flatly. “There's far too much paperwork involved with that, and I'll be the one who has to walk it all over the village to make sure the right people actually get it, because the gods forbid you actually read the memos that are sent to you.”

“Eh, we have more important things to do, and that's what you're for!” Kakashi reminded her and Ayaka sighed. “Besides which, I could never replace Yamato-kun in the hearts of my team. They've bonded to him. Probably out of pity, but they still think he's precious to them. Aren't genin just adorable?”

Ayaka eyed them warily as Yamato complained that he wasn't _that_ bad, and he had them doing advanced chakra techniques because he definitely believed in them and was just that good. Kakashi nodded and agreed with everything he said.

“Are you sure you can't make him sole sensei?” Yamato almost pleaded with her and Ayaka glared at him.

“I will make you do all the paperwork associated with the change, and if it's wrong, you'll be doing it all over again until it's right!”

“How hard can it be?”

She stood and went to a filing cabinet, selecting a folder and slamming it on the desk in front of the two. “Between the banking details, the team details, sensei benefit forms, team statements, the investigative reports that need to happen to ensure that the team is settling into having a new sensei, not to mention the compilation of every mission and training report that has ever been filed against the team since being formed, and then you need approval from the Jounin commander, the Hokage and the Advisory Council, not to mention letters to and from parents or guardians. And then all the paperwork associated with the changing of rosters and schedules because they've already been drafted for one shinobi, and you both have completely different skillsets that need to be taken into consideration to ensure that the village gets best use out of those skills! So yes! While you live, and are an active member of the shinobi force of Konoha, you will remain team seven's sensei, at least until they make chuunin and no longer need a jounin to tell them what end of the kunai they're supposed to grip.”

The entire room was desperately eavesdropping on the conversation, and by the lack of movement from the Commander's office and the scent of smoke from the Hokage's office, they weren't the only ones. To be fair, it wasn't often that anyone actually tried to put Jounin in their places, and Ayaka barely came up to their shoulders. The civilian swallowed tightly, as though just remembering that these were Jounin and she was barely a bug on their radar. While everyone _knew_ that the civilian administration officers were off limits, _accidents happened._

The two blinked at her and Kakashi nodded. “You make a very persuasive argument,” he pushed the file towards her and tension bled from the room. Ayaka took the file and turned to put it away when Kakashi continued. “But have you considered this? Joint sensei of team seven!” Ayaka heaved a sigh, Yamato whimpered, Riku swore from where he was hiding outside the assignments room, and they all could have sworn they heard the Hokage laughing behind closed doors.

“Hatake! Stop tormenting my staff and get in here!” Kakashi cheerfully turned and walked into the Commander's office, hauling Yamato along for the ride. By the time they finished pleading their case about why three baby genin would even need two sensei (the argument came down to 'Sasuke has the Sharingan, I have the Sharingan. Naruto's leaning more advanced fuinjutsu than the basic lines taught at the calligraphy school, and I happen to be a seal master! Sakura is learning genjutsu and guess what I happen to be highly proficient in?' As arguments went, it was actually a fairly good one) Ayaka had finished the necessary documents required and shoved five documents slips into Yamato's arms. “They're labelled, take the documents to the right areas. I'll get Hatake-san added to the sensei list, and as requested by Hokage-sama...” Three mission scrolls were settled on top. “Finish them and you'll be eligible for a C-rank.”

“Thank you, Ayaka-chan.”

“Why am I your favourite again?” Kakashi patted her hair. She sighed and chased them out of the office, accepting the tea the Hiro set on her desk, the chuunin offering her a sympathetic pat on the back. “You owe me,” she grumbled and shoved paperwork at him. “Get off that leg and start filling these out.”

Between the upcoming chuunin exams (two months away now, and there was a ludicrous amount of work to do) and the drama surrounding team seven and Kakashi just being Kakashi, the moon was high in the sky by the time Ayaka and Riku were called into the Commander's office. “So Team Seven. They're up for a C-rank. Thoughts?”

“Border Patrol?”

Shikaku looked vaguely amused at the idea. “I somehow doubt that Kakashi will thank us for being put on border patrol, and if he complains you get to deal with him.” Riku put the scroll away quickly. “Tamadono?”

“Escort? Preferably a long-term escort that would take Hatake-san out of the village for at least a month?”

“Oh there are a few that would work!” Shikaku watched with amusement as the two got excited at the prospect of having one of his jounin vacate the village for a significant portion of time. He really should remind the jounin that tormenting his staff was off-limits. Or at least they should accept the consequences of their actions.

A year ago Ayaka convinced the chuunin to give only D-ranks to a group of jounin who switched out the good tea and coffee for decaf and chamomile.

It was nearly war.

At least Kakashi was mostly harmless, and he _did_ look out for the admin-nin at the end of the day. He had threatened the jounin into replacing the beverage station in the kitchen at least. Miraculously the mis-assignments of missions stopped when his people were properly caffeinated. “Sir?”

He looked over the three options his admin personnel had flagged for him. “Give the mission to the capital to Genma's baby chuunin. They deserve a break and the mission should be easy.” He hesitated over the other two. Both were very close to Water and both had the potential to be disruptive. “Gai's team can take the escort to Harie, let them know that there may be an issue at the river festival, I'm sure they can handle it. And whatever's happening at Wave, Kakashi and Yamato can handle it, and keep the baby genin alive.”

In the training ground, Kakashi and Yamato watched over the three baby genin who were being chased by Kakashi's ninken. Both felt a shiver run up their spine and glanced to the skies as though expecting to see a cloud over the moon, but the moon hung happily in the sky. They exchanged a glance and Kakashi sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I'll go deal with Ayaka-chan and whatever she's planning. Surely it can't be that bad...”

As a Jounin, Kakashi should have known not to tempt fate like that. Yamato gave him a look and told him to take dumplings.

Kakashi gave him an amused look and Yamato sighed that even the admin-nin liked Kakashi better than almost any other Jounin. That was the actual basis of the odds on Kakashi being given the hat next - tolerance from the admin-nin. Sparrow appeared beside him. "I don't suppose you were the little bird Senpai spoke of?" Yamato asked and Sparrow shook her head. 

"That was Ayaka-san. She gave you up when Kakashi called in a favour owed." 

Yamato should have felt betrayed, but mostly he was horrified that Kakashi had called in a favour on something so meaningless. "Unbelievable." 

There was a bark of laughter as Naruto pounced on Pakkun and actually caught him. Sparrow tilted her head to the side. "Should we tell him that they're not pets?" 

A howl of pain and then Pakkun landed primly on Bull's back - the better to scold Naruto - and Yamato smiled faintly. "I think they got the idea." 

Yamato sighed as Pakkun lectured Naruto on appropriate handling techniques and waited for he scolding to pause for a moment to call the three over. "Good job," Yamato said and immediately the three vanished in a near perfect shunshin. He wasn't sure that reaction was entirely warranted. He was being nice! Though he did file away the fact that sheer terror could motivate them to do it properly. "Go home and rest. No training tomorrow. Meet at the missions-room in two days." 

They didn't move and Sparrow whistled in admiration at their hiding abilities. "No wonder Ox keeps getting you to train the sproutlings." 

Yamato blinked and scowled at the trees who calmly deposited his wriggling charges in front of him. "Before you go, Kakashi-taichou is going to be your primary sensei," he ignored Sparrow's shift of amusement. "Even if he says otherwise, he's going to be an interfering busybody." He sighed, expecting a serious bout of hazing to begin. "So," he turned his more serious face on the kids and they all paled. "I may be your sensei, but the taichou's word is law, understand." They nodded quickly and then the wriggling intensified as they tried to escape their sensei's plants. "Alright then, off you go. Get some rest." He relaxed his hold on the plants and his students dusted themselves off. 

"Sensei," Naruto said suddenly serious. "I'm glad we get to keep you." The other two nodded and Yamato watched them until they crossed the river and he was sure they were headed home and not into trouble. 

Sparrow clapped his shoulder and disappeared back on her patrol and Yamato was glad that he didn't have a witness to the grin that crossed his face.

He was glad he got to keep the kids too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm almost tempted to keep this going, but it kinda fizzled out when I started on the wave arc. If I keep it going, it will be in a separate story arc, and will be a lot more serious. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone for your reviews and kudos! I'm so glad you've enjoyed this quirky little tale.


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